Pelted with Good Fortune
To read this serial novel from the beginning, go here.
Rove stood up behind his desk. As Cardinal and Marsha were ushered in, his face furrowed in righteous anger. "Cardinal, this is the last time we will be using you for any purpose," he said. "You almost single-handedly destabilized the Middle East with your carelessness."
"Now I wouldn't go that far," Cardinal answered. "Everybody seems to have gotten out of this all right."
"All right? After you blew up a building in downtown Damascus, you slipped across the border and got caught in a Turkish airport with a trunk full of baby seal pelts. Do you know what it took to get you out of that prison? I would have left you to rot in there, but I thought eventually you might talk."
"Rove, I just want you to know that all the rumors about Turkish prisons are true. You should send me to Guantanamo immediately. I can give them a lot of pointers."
"This was supposed to be a secret mission," Rove roared. "Don't you know the meaning of secrecy? Or discretion? How about common sense!"
"Nobody knew who I was. In all the newspapers I was Fertus E. Patriot. Nobody said any different. The Fox cable network had a 6 week campaign called 'Free the Patriot.' I guess you had something to do with that, Rove?"
"Well, yes, Fox does take orders from me." He chortled, seeming to remember something that pleased him, then paused. "But that's beside the point. You risked national security. It could even have led to war!" His dander was rising again.
"Rove, you know some things are worth risking the lives of millions over. Like a seal skin coat for your wife to wear to the big Republican spring fund raiser. Think of the billionaires who will envy you."
Rove stopped. He mouth dropped slightly open. Cardinal could hear the burst of his salivary glands kicking in. "You . . . . you . . . you have the sealskin pelts? You have them? One of the rarest clothing items in the world? I thought the Turks took them!"
"No, no. What kind of fool do you take me for? The pelts they seized were fakes. I dropped the real pelts in a Federal Express box and mailed them to a friend here in the States."
"Jesus. I mean, I don't believe in Jesus, I just say I do for political purposes, but Jesus."
"Of course, if you jail us or kill us, those pelts are gone forever."
"Oh, Cardinal, I was just kidding about that cloak and dagger stuff," Rove said, as he practically skipped to Cardinal's side. "If you can deliver on those pelts, I think all can be forgiven. I'll talk to a few people."
"Great," Cardinal said slowly, obviously thinking of something else now. "If I wrote a book about my experiences in the Turkish prison, do you think you could get the Fox network to promote it?"
"Oh, no problem, no problem. Do you think you have enough pelts to make coats for my wife and the vice president's wife?"
"Hell yes," Cardinal said. "I have baby seal pelts to make floor-length coats for your wife and Mrs. Cheney both, and still enough left over for a pair of fur lined gloves for yourself. You should wear them next time you make an appearance at the ASPCA convention."
"Sweet."
Next episode: Land Lines